John 20:19-31
When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors were locked where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”
But Thomas, one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”
Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples that are not written in this book. But these are written so that you may continue to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.
One of my favorite parts of the confirmation process is the chance to sit down with each student, one-on-one, and ask if they feel ready to join the church. Is it something they want to do? Are they ready to be an adult member of the Church? A few years ago, I had a student named Michael in our confirmation class. Michael was quiet but connected with others at church. He was a regular sound tech in one of our worship services. He regularly attended youth group and Sunday worship services. As we sat down together, we asked him, that now, at the end of his confirmation process, did he want to become a member of the church? Michael shared that he wasn’t sure he could live up to the vows of membership. He told us that he didn’t think he could “do enough” to be a member of the Church. He doubted that he was enough. The other teacher of the class and I listened to him share his doubts, and then she leaned in and said, “Michael, when I am leading worship and I see you at the sound board, I know we won’t have any issues. You always take such good care of us and are so attentive. That is such a gift to us leading worship.” Michael sat back and pondered what she had said to him. Then he said, “I hadn’t thought of that as service to the church… I really enjoy helping with the sound and I want to keep doing that. I guess I am ready to join the church.” Michael joined the church with his confirmation class and continued working in the sound booth and even after he graduated from high school and went to college, he still returns back on breaks to worship with his family. Sharing his doubt aloud took away its power.
Doubt is clearly a major part of today’s passage. It’s probably the part of the passage that stands out. But there’s a few other things that are helpful to look at here. This passage has a little bit of everything. We have the disciples hiding away. Jesus appearing in locked rooms. Thomas wanting to touch the holes in Jesus’ hands. And the thesis of the book of John. There’s a lot happening in a short passage, so let’s dive in. The author of John’s gospel, tells us that on Easter evening, Jesus appeared to the disciples. For some reason, Thomas is not with them. That detail didn’t seem important to the gospel author. The detail that is important to the author was that the disciples are cloistered away in a locked room for fear of the Jews. Jesus’ disciples who have traveled and ministered with him for three years are in hiding. They are terrified of suffering the same fate as Jesus, and they don’t seem to know what to do next. Suddenly, the risen Jesus appears in the room with them. Jesus greets them by saying “Peace be with you.” With this simple phrase, Jesus acknowledges how scared they are. Jesus doesn’t walk into the room like “oh hey guys, I’m back from being dead for three days.” Jesus understands the doubts and fear they are carrying. Maybe, just maybe, Jesus carried some of those same doubts and fears as he faced crucifixion and death. Jesus shares his wounds with the disciples. It says “he showed them his hands and his side.” Jesus’ death and resurrection have left its mark. It doesn’t mean that Jesus looks like nothing has happened. The marks of the violence Jesus has experienced are still there. The wounds are there – but they are no longer signs of death. Jesus shows the disciples that pain and grief and injustice is real. And now, because of the resurrection, they have become signs of life. Jesus standing there in their midst reminds them that those wounds no longer have the final word.
Then, the disciples realize that it is their Lord, they rejoice. Jesus gives them the promised gift of the Holy Spirit. Jesus breathes this gift on them. It calls back to God breathing life into creation. Jesus is breathing the gift of the Holy Spirit into them. They are now a new creation and because of that, Jesus then tells them that they can’t stay there. They can’t let their fear keep them from sharing the news of Jesus with the world. Jesus tells them that they have to carry on the work that they began together. They have to go out. Jesus says this to the people who were just hidden away. Jesus isn’t telling them they need to have all the answers to go out. Jesus doesn’t say they need to just put on a brave face and get out there. Jesus sends them exactly as they are. And the same is true for us, Jesus sends us out with questions, with doubts, with fear.
Doubt, like fear, is a powerful force. It often pulls us inward. It can lie to us telling us that no one else has ever thought this. No one has ever felt this way. You are alone. And those are lies. We all have doubts. Small ones like I doubt I’ll get every green light on the way home today and big ones like what if all of this doesn’t matter. And yet, Jesus shows us that our doubt can’t keep us from going out. It can’t paralyze us.
I think we can agree that Thomas has gotten a bad rap in public culture. He gets dubbed “Doubting Thomas,” for wanting the same evidence that his friends had. I mean it’s not really a fair title to give him. The other disciples don’t get names like this. We don’t have “Denying Peter” or “Fearful Bartholomew.” I think Thomas is confused. How could it possibly be true that our friend, who was just recently very publicly murdered, was here? I think Thomas wonders if they all have imagined Jesus appearing to them because their grief was so heavy.
Thomas shouldn’t be labeled “Doubting Thomas.” He should be called “Brave Thomas.” Sharing his doubts about the risen Lord was brave. It is real. It is human. Thomas is not looking for someone else’s experience of the risen Lord. He wants it for himself. He wants an authentic faith. When Thomas is honest about his doubts, Jesus meets him there. Jesus doesn’t shame him for his doubts. Jesus encourages him to believe what he sees before him and simply offers himself. This is grace. Jesus makes space for Thomas’ doubt. Jesus honors his journey. Jesus hears his concern. And how does Thomas respond? “My Lord and my God!” A proclamation that his life has been changed.
I think sometimes we get so caught up in the doubting part of the story, we miss that fact that the disciples that Jesus told to go out are back in that same place, behind a closed door. It’s like the disciples said “hey Jesus was back” and they forgot to tell Thomas the rest. They conveniently happen to avoid the thing they are all scared of. They doubt that their lives will be safe out in the world. Maybe you have been feeling that way. Not that you have been in a physical locked room, but maybe a metaphorical one. Jesus isn’t waiting for us to overcome our doubt. Jesus comes into the locked room where we are hiding. He says “peace be with you” and invites us into action. Not because we don’t have doubts. Not because we don’t have fear. But because we are sent out into the world. A world still marked by pain. A world still marked by injustice. A world that needs that peace that Jesus offers. God’s story has never relied on perfect people. Just willing ones.
Tonight, I will have the chance to sit down with our confirmation students, one-on-one, to ask what questions they still have about this confirmation process and if they are ready to join the church. If they answer “yes,” they will start writing their statements of faith and doubt. Not only the things you are sure of, not a list of things you think you should believe, but also the things you are still wrestling with. If we believe our faith is living and breathing, then it’s not the same every single day. Our doubts don’t have to keep us from faith. Our doubts draw us closer to the One who welcomes us, belief, doubts, and more. Jesus doesn’t just tell Thomas to just believe. Jesus gives Thomas exactly what he asked for. So, will you be bold enough to say your doubt aloud?
Today, I want us to practice that. In a few moments, the ushers will pass out post-it notes and pens. I want to encourage you to write some of your doubts on that post-it. Allow it be out in the open, no longer hidden under a cloak of shame or judgment. I won’t pretend to know what your doubt is. Maybe the loss of a dear friend has caused you to doubt God’s goodness. Maybe you wonder how a loving God could allow war to happen. Whatever your doubt is, write it on the post-it and when we come to the time of offering, drop your post-it in the offering plate. Offer it to God. Be honest about your doubt and release it to God. God is not going to break because of your doubt. God can handle it. God is bigger than our doubts. God welcomes our doubt. So offer it to God so that God might be able to respond like Jesus did to Thomas. Let it be a doorway to a deeper faith. A doorway to more honesty. Let it be a doorway to transformation. A doorway that offers Jesus’ peace to the world. Not because we have all of the answers. Not because we are certain or even feel equipped but because Christ is risen and that has changed everything. Let us share that news with the world.
Amen.